those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
