The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
