You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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