Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
