he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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