my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
