I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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