your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
