What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
