that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
