The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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