thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
