On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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