That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
