I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
