he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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