I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
