just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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