yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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