and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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