im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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