we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
