i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The power of my boobs compel you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
