Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
