I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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