No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I need a beard to bite.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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