U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
