what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
