i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
