my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I know her cup size but not her name....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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