True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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