I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
