do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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