Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
