She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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