i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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