She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
