There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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