I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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