I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
