dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
