she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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