The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
