haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
do herpes really smell.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
