Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
