ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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