my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think your dad took our porno
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
