omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
