i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize