I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
