...so i touched it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
