oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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