My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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