you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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