That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Houston, we have a blender
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
