Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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