I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
