Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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