that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
