Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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