Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I fill condoms, not promises.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
