So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
