Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
