Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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