The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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