guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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