Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
