I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
