I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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